As humans, how we connect and relate to one another can be crucial to our well-being. Since the beginning of our creation as a species, humans have relied on social interactions for survival. Cooperation within social groups historically provided protection from predators, assistance in hunting and gathering food, sharing of knowledge and skills, and support during times of hardship. Social bonds facilitated the exchange of resources, information, and technologies, ultimately enhancing individuals’ and communities’ chances of survival and success.
Though our modern world looks quite different now than in the past, our longing for connection amongst one another has remained unchanged. The need for approval from others is a fundamental aspect of human psychology. It can influence our behavior, decisions, self-esteem, and sense of belonging. In today’s individualistic society, where achievement and success are greatly valued, we may feel the need to perform to the absolute best of our abilities in nearly every aspect of life to feel worthy of approval from others. This need to perform can lead us to submit to an exhausting and insatiable pursuit- striving for perfection.
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What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high standards for oneself. Individuals with perfectionistic tendencies often feel intense pressure to meet these standards, leading to dissatisfaction, self-criticism, and anxiety when they perceive they have fallen short of their expectations. Perfectionists may also engage in repetitive behaviors or procrastinate for fear of making mistakes or not meeting their standards. While striving for excellence can be positive, perfectionism becomes problematic when it interferes with our well-being and relationships.
The Negative Impacts of Perfectionism on Mental Health
The act of constantly chasing perfection in our lives can have detrimental effects on mental health. The pursuit of perfection creates a perpetual cycle of stress and anxiety due to one’s restless attempts to meet their own or others’ unattainable standards. This heightened pressure often leads to feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and fear of failure, which can contribute to the manifestation of symptoms of depression and anxiety. Additionally, perfectionists may engage in procrastination or avoidance behaviors, further exacerbating their stress levels and impairing their ability to function effectively.
Perfectionism can also negatively impact one’s personal life. The unrealistic expectations perfectionists place on themselves, and others can strain relationships and hinder their social connections. Over time, the relentless pursuit of perfection can lead to burnout, as individuals neglect self-care and fail to prioritize balance and rest. The toll of perfectionism isn’t limited to mental health, as chronic stress and anxiety can also manifest in physical health issues.
The Root Causes of Perfectionism and How They Manifest
Now, you may be wondering, how can someone let themselves feel so pressured to be perfect, knowing how stressful and draining it is to constantly strive for this unattainable goal? These values are often instilled in us from such a young age that we may not even be conscious that we have them!
Perfectionist tendencies often trace their origins to a combination of factors deeply rooted in one’s upbringing, societal influences, personality traits, and past experiences. During childhood, individuals may have been exposed to environments where their achievements were highly praised or faced strict standards or expectations set by parents or caregivers. In such environments, the belief that one’s worth is tied to one’s performance can form, which then manifests as fostering perfectionism to maintain self-esteem and approval.
Societal pressures play a significant role in the creation and maintenance of perfectionism. Modern cultures often equate success with perfection in many domains of life, such as academics, careers, appearance, and relationships. This societal expectation to excel can intensify the drive towards perfectionism as individuals strive to meet or exceed these standards to gain acceptance and validation within their communities.
Additionally, certain personality traits, specifically conscientiousness and neuroticism, can contribute to the development of perfectionism. Conscientious individuals may inherently possess a drive for high standards and achievement. At the same time, neurotic tendencies can manifest as anxiety and fear of making mistakes, further reinforcing perfectionist behaviors.
Collectively, these factors interact and shape individuals’ tendencies towards perfectionism, influencing their thoughts, behaviors, and emotional well-being. Because there are so many different origins for perfectionism, this trait can also take various forms that influence individuals’ behaviors and mental health differently.
Here are some examples of how perfectionism can manifest differently:
- Self-Oriented Perfectionism: Striving for flawlessness in one’s actions and performance.
- Other-Oriented Perfectionism: Imposing unrealistic standards on others and being overly critical of their performance.
- Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: Feeling pressure to succeed from external sources, such as society, family, or peers, to meet high standards.
- Perfectionism Concerning Mistakes: Having an intense fear of making mistakes and striving to avoid them at all costs.
If you recognize these tendencies within yourself, rest assured that you are not alone. Research suggests that perfectionism is becoming increasingly common, particularly in Western societies, which strongly emphasize achievement and success. Studies have shown that perfectionism rates have risen over the past few decades, especially among young people.
A meta-analysis published in the Psychological Bulletin 2019 found that self-oriented perfectionism has increased substantially among college students over the past 30 years. Similarly, other-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionism has also shown upward trends.
How to Cope With Perfectionism
Coping with perfectionism often involves adopting strategies to manage our unrealistic standards and the excessive self-criticism that typically accompanies it. Here are some techniques that may be helpful for you:
- Set realistic goals: Break tasks into smaller, manageable goals so they feel less overwhelming. Focus on your growth or progress rather than perfection.
- Challenge negative thoughts: Practice cognitive restructuring by questioning and reframing perfectionistic beliefs and thoughts. When these thoughts arise, acknowledge them and separate them from your sense of self. You can’t control when these thoughts occur, but you can decide how you wish to act on them.
- Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, which are inevitable because perfection is unattainable.
- Embrace imperfection: Allow yourself to make mistakes and view them as opportunities for growth and learning rather than viewing them as failures.
- Focus on the process: Shift your focus from the end result to the journey. Start trying to enjoy the experience of working towards your goals instead of prioritizing your results.
- Shift your mindset: Develop a healthy perspective by recognizing that perfectionism can be limiting and that striving for excellence without demanding perfection is okay.
- Set boundaries: Learn to say no to unrealistic demands and prioritize self-care to avoid feelings of stress and burnout.
- Seek support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your perfectionism and explore coping strategies together. At See You Through It Counseling, we offer support for individuals struggling with perfectionism. We currently have providers accepting new clients if you want to pursue individual counseling for these concerns.
By implementing these coping strategies, we can gradually reduce the negative impact of perfectionism and cultivate a healthier and more balanced approach to life and achievement.
Struggling with perfectionism can feel debilitating and helpful. Still, you are worthy of happiness in life, even if you are imperfect. Try using these resources and techniques to free yourself of the shackles of perfectionism and see how practicing self-acceptance can improve your well-being and quality of life.
To Learn More or Book an Appointment
Interested in learning more mental health tips, tricks, or facts? Check out our blog or head to our resource page to learn more.
For more information about perfectionism, check out: Perfectionism: Symptoms, Treatment, and Prevention (healthline.com)
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